too much struggle, not enough beauty.

i’ve been thinking,
…a lot.

something happened.
somewhere between chicago and ann arbor
i stopped connecting with this blog.
i would come in here and i would write and write
and wriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiite…

<move to trash>
<move to trash>
<move to trash>
<move to trash>
<move to trash>
<move to trash>

it started to feel like a burden to write and that’s just
not how i roll when it comes to writing…

i wasn’t sad anymore. i’m not
sad anymore. this blog became the place that
i shared all of my struggles with. not even thinking
about how it was probably portrayed to others.
…and i even wonder sometimes if some of the grief i was
feeling was self inflicted just so that i could follow the flow +
theme in which i created for the blog. and that
troubles me. especially because it was not properly
balanced with enough of the joy i had in my life too.

journaling has always been something i’ve done since
i can remember. anyone in my family can vouch that
they probably can’t remember a time where i didn’t
have a diary or a journal.
people tend to roll their eyes when they hear someone
talk about blogging, but for me it’s the same as journaling.
it’s just as important, too.
…only at this point i am not trying to hide the story
of my first real kiss that happened at the house i was
babysitting at in 8th grade + the part where i wrote
“i think this means i’m a woman.” seriously, britt?
…it’s not the poems i used to write either,
it’s just life things as they happen.
a maze of crazy that felt impossible to navigate through.

but the beautiful struggle became more about the struggle
and less about the beauty.
and that was okay…for awhile.
things were crazy, and this little blog was where i could
write my way to a resolution.

the resolution was a lot of little changes,
but it all started with learning that we needed
to be back home in ann arbor.
and since being home, i just feel like everything is falling
into place so wonderfully. we have so many awesome things happening
but they don’t ever get talked about…

so i am retiring the beautiful struggle.
i’m going to start fresh somewhere else.
somewhere new.
some place pretty.
and some place where the theme
can mesh better with the person i am today.

CLICK HERE, to get smitten.




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