my love triangle of chaos, panic + bliss.

i guess i’ll start with the fact that
there is cat puke on my perfectly awesome
crate + barrel rug. really, sammi?
you’re why we can’t have nice things, obviously.

so, one of my favorite things right now is the
new Apple commercial on TV.
when i first saw it, i laughed because it’s
what i look like all day long, but  i can’t even
tell you how many times i have asked marty to hold
on or to pull over because “…babe, gotta gram this.”
the second time i saw it, i thought about how amazing
it is that we can see little slivers of this giant world
thanks to these little pieces of genius technology.
…and it’s not just seeing the big things like the
great wall of china or the grand canyon.
it’s the uplifting messages in a random
alley, and little things all over the world
that appeal to us.
think about it…
think about what you see everytime you log onto
Facebook or Instagram and you scroll through the feed
and you see these places + things that without
these sharing sites, you might not ever see?
i’m obsessed.
so obsessed that i dedicate two portions of my day
to scrolling + what i call “showing love.”
not only do i love seeing the world through photos from
friends, family + complete strangers, but i love letting
people know that their images speak to me.

on the other side of that, though…
Conan O’Brien was saying the other day,
“…if you are live-tweeting this, please use the hashtag
he makes such a valid point.
i had a moment where i kind of reflected back on
my grams and facebook posts and wondered if
i was incapable of living in the moment.
the answer: maybe at times.
but honestly, this began long before social media sharing overload.
anyone who spent any time with me as kids, can tell you
that i brought disposable cameras with me EVERYWHERE.
i loved the feeling of going to walgreens to pick up
my photos. i loved having them in
my hands, framing them + putting them in albums.
last week, marty + i were organizing and he found
old albums and scrapbooks and immediately said,
“oh no, i shouldn’t have shown you.”
…i could stare at photos all day.
and as he guessed, i spent an hour looking through them
and loving them + gramming them
and sending phone photos via text to friends.

i do believe there should be a balance though.
some moments are perfect to capture,
and some moments are better left being memories to tell.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

i am happy to report that i am beginning to have a social life again.
i was becoming a bit reclusive. a serious home body.
i always feel like i’m neglecting BAMphoto if i am
not answering emails immediately, or taking any time to live
my life. i suppose most entrepreneurs feel this way, especially
when their business is at the cusp of the success they’ve been dreaming of.
this weekend, i forced myself to snap out of that thought process.
i realized that my inspiration + drive thrive only when
i am living my life. i forced myself to accept that i can’t
be all business, all the time, even though that’s what i’ve
convinced myself is necessary.
so i did a little living. a lot of living, if you compare
it to the past two years of my life, over the past two weeks…

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i got home from a sunday funday in royal oak with the boys,
and i started to think about how my anxiety about business + life things
stopped being in the forefront of my mind.
it gave my brain time to remember where my inspiration comes from.
it started making me think about what success really means to me…

i don’t believe that success has anything whatsoever to do with
how much money i make, how many fans + likes i get,
or how many gigs i may book. sure, these things are indicators
that you’re heading in the right direction in your career,
but they do not define what i believe to be success.

somedays, i wake up and i feel insanely successful.
other days, i crawl out of bed and feel completely unmotivated.
…and when i think about the days where i go to bed and feel great,
they included things like picnic-ing in the park, watching my
best friend be this incredible mom, having dinner with my parents,
going to baseball games, random adventures with marty,
BBQ-ing with the boys, having heart-to-hearts with my dad,
skyping with my siblings + niece…

relationships need nurturing. even our relationships with ourselves.
we have to allow ourselves the time to live + to experience.
a photographer i greatly admire just made a post
about this in her blog moments ago. every single word she wrote
resonated with where my head is at these days.
“…make work fit into their life instead of making life fit into their work.”
amen, AMEN!
we MUST make time for the things + people who make us what
we are. i have to re-learn how to say YES to life so
that down the road, i’ll have more stories + fewer regrets.
i know i won’t get to experience everything i want to do,
but that doesn’t mean i should stop striving to see it all.

big thanks to Meg Courtney for sharing your wisdom + always being
a source of pure + magical inspiration.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • •

cheers to working hard
saying YES
finding the balance between chaos,
panic + bliss.



One thought on “my love triangle of chaos, panic + bliss.

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