competing with yourself + what’s at the bottom of a pitcher of mimosas.

over the past couple days, i’ve had some pretty random
thoughts running through my mind.
…for instance, i hate that the latest episodes
of SNL [saturday night live for all those who live under a rock! ha!]
are no longer part of our conversations. the cast, hosts +
musical guests are so incredible. the musical performances
are legendary. alabama shakes KILLED it this past saturday.
CLICK HERE to see a vid of the performance.
Brittany Howard was put on earth to make music, as
were her band members. the music that they write is
raw, relevant + real. which happen to be the three R’s i look for
when sinking my music obsessed claws into a band.
nothing brings me more joy than watching a band perform
and getting sucked into it by the way they feel every single note they play
and every single lyric they sing.
god, music is such a gift.
i will see them live this year, somehow. someway.

if you’re sick of listening to your Top 40 crap,
let me know and i will make you a mix tape that will change your life.
seriously, just ask.

but anyways, if you aren’t watching SNL, you ought to be.
YouTube “Djesus Uncrossed on SNL” and thank me lata.
h i l a r i o u s.
long story short, the material they are coming up with
on SNL is only getting better + better. not to mention
that they are holding nothing back.
i know everyone thinks that the show hasn’t been the same
since Chris Farley, but you have no idea
what you’re missing.
Bobby Moynihan is so clutch + the News Update
w. Seth Meyers is so insanely good.

So please, start DVR-ing it so that on sunday + monday we
can start talking about it again. it’s a hilarious
way to keep up with what’s going on in the world
that makes absolutely no sense. it’ll open your
eyes to how the world has changed and where it’s headed.

• • • • • • • • • • • •

today, i was thinking about a session i have tomorrow,
and how i really want to showcase the direction
my work is taking. last year was so great.
so so so great.
but this year, i really want to switch things up + change gears.
some of my favorite photographs were derived from
being immersed in the moment,
…they came from my little ole iPhone.
so my goal is to apply my iPhone techniques + approaches
to my professional work.

last year, i was also bogged down by negativity in my
professional life. i was made out to be a person’s competition
and was dragged into this funk and it sucked the fun
out of what i was doing in certain aspects.
i shed too many tears over it.
i had no idea how to take myself out of the mess.
it was killing me + it began to seep into  my everyday life.
whilst talking with another photographer this morning,
the answer hit me,
one of the lessons i am trying to instill into my life + thoughts
right now is that i cannot control how others behave or what they feel.
i can only control my reactions. i can control what i think
of myself. …what i know of myself.
and what i realized is that my only competition is with myself.
i think one of the main reasons for the success of
BAMphoto is that i never stop.
i have an undying need to be better than i was yesterday.
and it’s perfect because everytime i am hired for a gig,
my clients will know that they are getting
the very best of me in that moment.

the number of “likes” i receive on social media outlets are only
indicative of the fact that i am on the right track
professionally + personally.
it tells me that my imagery is speaking to people.
…and isn’t that the point?
the number of ‘likes’  + the amount of followers and friends
do not define myself or my work, they just let me
know that people are getting it. and i love that.

…so thanks for showing me love + letting me know
that you’re with me.
…and that you get it.
[because that’s what this is all about.]

• • • • • • • • • • • •

we are at the one month mark.
in few short weeks, we’ll be packing up our moving
truck + heading back to the mitten.
i’m ready for everything except the distance from
my family + small group of friends.
…mostly my niece.
i’m so smitten w. her that it already hurts just thinking
of being in a different state than her.
i’m already so excited for them to come visit ann arbor,
and for us to build her a fort in the loft for a sleepover.

Image 3 Image 1


Image 1
so other than that, i am so completely excited that
we get to go home soon!
we’ll be home just in time for my soulmate’s little
girl to grace this world, and just in time for spring.
we have done some serious growing up + changing, and it will
be so nice to have a clean slate in a familiar place,
with familiar faces.

cheers to a beautiful ending + a hopeful beginning!

• • • • • • • • • • • •


marty + i have been so on lately, that it’s been
seriously wonderful. it was like we woke up
one morning and everything was in perfect sync.
we have held hands a lot,
been eating a lot, laughing a lot, kissing a lot,
snuggling a lot, and have just been enjoying each other’s
company. i think a lot of times we get so trampled by
life’s frustrations, financial stress, and exhaustion that
every once in awhile we put each other on the back burner.
…never for long, but any amount of time is too much
in my opinion. we have found a balance that works for us.
i think a lot of it also has to do with me being in much better spirits.
i am still reading the happiness project, and i am
finally starting to see that my behavioral changes are
actually bringing happiness to both myself + to marty.
…even his valentine’s day card to me mentioned
how wonderful it’s been for him to see me happy and enjoying
my success + life.
…i think this is the kind of stuff that forever is made of.
constant communication,
recognizing each other’s good qualities AND flaws.
being passionate about each other even when you are exhausted,
giving a back rub for no reason,
being affectionate,
reminding each other what you love about one another,
making decisions together,
building a life with both people in mind always,
…and maybe this is just me, but buying a piece of furniture
together can be quite wonderful as well.

yesterday, he went fabric shopping with me and i suggested
that we go to The Brown Elephant to see if they
had any used furniture for our new place.
i think we both went in with two separate visions,
but we came out with a $35 couch that i am madly in love with,
and being the wonderful man that he is, he never even fought me on it.

Image 13
it’s hideous, and i love Love LOVE it.
and it was surprisingly cozy.
…and did i mention it was $35??

it was a beautiful day, and i was craving a burger
so we went to a place we love to have a little
sunday funday action.

now, everyone thinks that i have boycotted fun out of my
life because i never go out, i never drink and my social life
has become virtually non-existant.
this is completely false.
first of all, i can’t afford to be drinking in the bar Thurs, Fri + Sat.
second of all, even if i could, i’d much rather be
spending that money on a new lens, a down payment on a home,
a vacation, or an obscene amount of polaroid film.
[especially because i am fresh out! eeeek!]
third, my idea of relaxing after a long week is not getting drunk
and having to spend the next two days recovering.
9 times out of 10, i don’t have the next day to recover.
my hangovers are brutal now. i literally cannot do
A N Y T H I N G until it’s passed. ask anyone.

i’ve got a big picture in my head about what i want in the
next five years, and for me, it’s not going to be found
at the bottom of a pitcher of mimosas…


no, but really…i may only partake in something like
this every few months, but you know what…it’s always
worth it. i always choose really special moments
to partake in drinking festivities because that way it’s less about the
“i’ve had a long week, let’s RAAAAAAGE,” and more about the
“this is a perfectly wonderful day, and i’d like to have a pitcher
of mimosas to celebrate our $35 couch!”

so when you think about how boring i am,
or how i never go out,
just remember that i still know how to get down.
i still love my oberon.
i still love a good party.
and i’ll always love my car bombs.
…i just love them on my terms, ya dig?

i totally finished that pitcher,
and i had a hangover headache roll in around 6pm.

• • • • • • • • • •

i’ve been on a self portrait kick again.
the images remind me of what i was feeling in that
particular moment. vividly.
i remember my thoughts.
i remember the solutions i discovered
prior to taking it.
i remember what inspired me to take it.
it’s just another way for me to document the evolution of my life.
i highly suggest that people do this.
i try to do one everyday, but i forget.
…or i somedays i feel really ugly. and those are the days
that i should be doing it the most.
you don’t even have to post them. just take them.
keep them for yourself.
…i want to give them to my daughter someday.

Image 10
Image 4579673_10100808248665294_1175497291_n604118_10100806250449734_1624373967_nImage 5

so basically what i am trying to tell you is
that life is splendid.

beautiful things happen in your life
when you distance yourself from all the negative things.



5 thoughts on “competing with yourself + what’s at the bottom of a pitcher of mimosas.

  1. yay to coming back and having great times outside of the bar!!!!! PS- I don’t think that couch is hideous.. I think it’d be super cute w/ maybe some white paint? but maybe i’m tacky :D

    • Ohhhhh, i LOVE that idea Jess! I’m officially inviting you to help me!

      and yes, here’s to giving the boys a new side of fun!

  2. Again, bravo. I love your ability to share so freely. This is why complete strangers
    are drawn to you. You’re real and you’re experiencing life just like everyone else. You should consider writing a book…


    • thank you so much, kristen! i always appreciate the love you leave for me personally + for BAMphoto. You don’t feel like a stranger anymore! :) xo

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