with my lightning bolts a glowin’, i can see where i am goin’

Ah!

Holy crap, I bought a freaking iMac.

shut up
Shut Up
SHUT UP.
!!!!!

It doesn’t feel real.
I am overwhelmed with the feeling of new.
This thing even has a ‘new computer’ smell.
It feels like a blank canvas.
…now the fun begins.

BEFORE

AFTER

No buyers remorse. It was the most amazing feeling in the world.
I set a goal. I saved. I battled temptation to spend elsewhere. I won.
And now I’m the proud owner of a beautiful computer that is already
helping me immensely. Winning!
I like instant gratification, so this is a pretty
big deal for a gal like me. I think a lot of people out there assume
that I’m a spoiled brat who has everything handed to her by her parents.
Those people couldn’t be more incorrect. Was there a time
when I had a brand new car every year? Yes.
Was there a time when my parents paid my rent and bills? Yes.
Did I buy my first camera? No. But I buy them now!

That time in my life has long passed.
Aside from putting me through school and being
my biggest cheerleaders, my parents have no
responsibility for the success I’m experiencing right now.
They sit back proudly and watch their kids succeed in their own right.

…………………………………..

News:

Heidi {our kitty} is not dying from FIP!!!!

We took her in for a second opinion, and thank goodness we
did because as soon as this Vet walked in the door and
we told her that Heidi was diagnosed with FIP, she IMMEDIATELY
dismissed it. She knew exactly what she was looking for the moment
she walked into the exam room.
So, here is the scoop….

Heidi has a disease in her mouth that all cats have, but it has
mutated. There is no medicinal cure for this, so we have to have
all of her teeth extracted. It’s a $2,400 procedure so the doc sent us home
with kitty morphine injections and now we’re feeding her wet food.
Which is like crack by the way.
As soon as these cats hear the can click open, they all start tweaking.
We’ll get the money together, and then Heidi will be toothless. Poor thing.
But she is gaining weight again (yes!!) and she’s happier
than she’s been in months.


……………………………….

Currently:
I’m having nightmares about one of my friends.
I think the pent up frustration is now finding resolution in my dreams.
How long do you let a friendship suck the life out of
you before you cut your losses and learn the lesson?
I’m fearful of the fact that I KNOW I will blame myself if something
bad happens.Yep, that moment when you realize that you
care for someone much much more than they ever have or ever will for you.

…………………………………………

I’ve been feeling suffocated by my own thoughts lately.
I feel like I’m never going to have enough time to do everything
I want to do in this life. This feeling makes my skin crawl.
Like multi-tasking, why can’t I multi-life?
One life for photography.
One life to be a Dave Matthews Band groupie.
One life to write my book.
One life to be a mommy.
One life to be a detective.
One life to make all the art my heart so desires.
One life to have a farm with goats, chickens, cows and llamas.
One life to be a world traveler.
And one life to be in a nudist colony.

Sylvia Plath says it flawlessly,
“I can never read all the books I want; I can never be all the people I want and live all the lives I want.
I can never train myself in all the skills I want. And why do I want?
I want to live and feel all the shades, tones and variations of mental and physical experience possible in life.
And I am horribly limited.” 

Horribly limited.
I know I need to have a more positive attitude about this,
but this is how I feel right now. I just want more time.

Good thing I quit smoking.
I’m going to need all the help I can get.

I will say this, I am so very happy with the direction in which
my life is going. I never know what’s around the corner.
…and while the unknown stresses me out at times,
I’m kinda sorta maybe addicted to it, too.

………………………..

I spent last friday evening in the ER.
Here’s the scoop:

I’m falling apart and everything can be blamed on stress.
{i’m so sick of hearing that}

I woke up friday morning and we took Heidi to the vet.
I thought maybe I was just a little feeling like crap
from having a couple beers with the roomie the night before,
but we quickly realized that this was far from a hangover.
I became violently ill at the animal clinic around 11am and
it never stopped. By 10pm, I had been sick at least twenty times.
Completely dehydrated, could barely stand, couldn’t lay comfortably.
And then I actually threw up blood, so that’s when my Dad came to the city
to take me to the ER. Upon arrival I had numb and tingly arms, I was
severely dehydrated and my pulse was racing (dehydration).
They hooked me up to an IV for fluids and non-narcotic pain meds.
I had the best doctor ever aside from the fact that she
went to Ohio State. Ugh.You can’t go anywhere without having
to deal with a Buckeye. {marty really has created such a
monster in me when it comes to MI / OSU.
Anywho. No one knows what it really was that made me sick.
Of course they say it’s probably stress induced. Go figure.
My stomach and appetite haven’t been the same since
but I’M ALIVE!


i selfishly loved having my Papa Bear all to myself.
We discussed the upcoming presidential election, my fear
of narcotics being injected into my veins, music, BAMphoto
& just ordinary things. When you’re one of 5 siblings, it’s hard
to get him alone!


the only good thing about hospitals?
ice chips.


when i saw my reflection right before i was discharged,
i was appalled at the site of myself.
i should be the poster child for HELL.

…………………………………………………………..


i want this sign. in my kitchen. someday.


i’ve been waking up at 5am a lot as of late.
it’s becoming my favorite time of day.


these are my stepmom’s jean shorts from 1999.
they are now mine, and i love them.


i say lipstick, marty says boobs.

and we agree to disagree


heavenly.


who’s that lady?


CTA wonderment.


hopelessly in love with this little peanut.


i’ve never had a boy’s photo as my phone background.
…lucky, lucky Marty.
ummm how freaking handsome is he? ugh, i love him.


best tacos in chicago.
…and i love tacos. pork belly, hold the cilantro.
i hate cilantro.


i love green beans. and working. and eating. simultaneously.


pinkies & tots


today.
i’m dying in more ways than one.
being clothed is the worst.

i bought my first romper because it’s too hot to be
in anything but cotton. as little as possible.

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