I quit.

I am on Day 2 of my 3rd attempt at quitting smoking.
I hate it.
I hate quitting.
You’re not just quitting smoking, you’re basically changing your
entire life because so many things you used to do involved smoking cigarettes…

Finish eating, light a cigarette.
Get in your car, light a cigarette.
Get on the expressway, light a cigarette.
Have a drink, light a cigarette.
Take a shot, light a cigarette.
A smoker friend comes over, light a cigarette.
Start getting ready for a night out, light a cigarette.
Haven’t had one in awhile, light a cigarette.
On break at work, light a cigarette.
Walking somewhere, light a cigarette.
Start a new blog post, light a cigarette.
Editing photos, light a cigarette.
Doing homework, light a cigarette.
Going to bed, light a cigarette.
Everyone else is going outside for one, light a cigarette.
On a long phone call, light a cigarette.
Around your crazy family, light a cigarette.
Because everyone tells you should stop smoking, light a cigarette.
You smell someone else’s cigarette, light a cigarette
Stressful day at work, light a cigarette.
Bored, light a cigarette.
Enjoying an accomplishment, light a cigarette.
Reading, light a cigarette.
Coffee, light a cigarette.
Watching TV/Movie, light a cigarette.
Sex, light a cigarette.
Leaving the movie theater, light a cigarette.
Leaving a social event, light a cigarette.
Critical thinking, light a cigarette.
Waiting on someone, light a cigarette.
Waiting for a bus/train, light a cigarette.

So for all of you non-smokers who can’t understand why
we just won’t quit…Screw you.
This is one of the most difficult things a smoker will ever do in
their lifetime, if they can actually do it.
You need to be more understanding and supportive of your friends/family
who want to quit smoking. Don’t bombard them with your
judgments and criticism. Help them find ways to curb
the cravings and to stay motivated.
Click here for tips on how to help your loved ones
get through the rough first couple weeks.
Chances are, that whatever you think you should be doing, is WRONG.
Ha! “click here for tips….” Wow, I went there.

Back to how much quitting sucks….
I’m disgusted with how many triggers are in my everyday life.
I didn’t feel like I smoked that much, but I realize now that I did.
I’ve been keeping track of how often a trigger comes up
and it’s just sick.
E V E R Y T H I N G makes me want a cigarette.

The only downside I’m experiencing so far is horrible dreams.
Last night I dreamt that I was forced to swim on some random
swim-team, but that in my heat I had to swim through killer bees.
I kept telling them that I was allergic but no one listened.
I woke up before I jumped in the water.

I hope the nightmares subside.
I think about them all day. And sometimes if they’re bad enough,
they can completely ruin my day entirely.

Day 2 is under my belt.
They say after the 3rd day it gets easier.
That’s B.S.
While the nicotine is out of your system after 3 days,
that’s nothing compared to the habit itself.
It’s all those things I listed above that can easily get
a person to quit quitting.

I’m excited for a smoke free life.
I’m sick of smelling like crap…you just can’t hide it under perfume.
We just think that we do because we’re so used to the stench.
I don’t ever want Cammi or Roman to associate me with smoking.
And honestly, I just feel like garbage.
I have been saying for two years (probably more) that I
never wake up feeling great.
Something is sore.
Something hurts.
It sucks. It really really sucks to never wake up feeling your best.
Maybe it’s not because I smoke, but this is the first step to
taking better care of myself.

If only I could find something to channel my cravings through….
something that doesn’t involve eating of any kind.
Quitting smoking puts you in the fast lane to weight gain.
I don’t want to start that vicious cycle.
And I hate gum.
Have you ever noticed how ridiculous people look when they
chew gum and are off in La La Land?
It’s kinda gross.
…And I’m always in La La Land so it’s best I resist.

Why don’t they make SA (smokers anonymous) for us?

Real Quick,
during an engagement session this weekend, there was a man
just sitting around in Depot Town.
Had I been my age in the 60’s, we’d probably have gotten married.
I asked him politely if I could take his photograph.
I’m always afraid that people’s feelings will be hurt because they
assume I’m making fun of them when I ask…
I’m not.
I genuinely loved his hat & iconic purple sunglasses.
I told him these things, but I’m sure he just thought I was
blowing smoke up his you-know-what.
He agreed.
So I took the photo.
This will be the first photo that gets framed in the house we buy someday….

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4 thoughts on “I quit.

  1. Try to remind yourself that the average craving only lasts about 10-15 seconds. This makes sense actually when you think about it. You’re sitting around minding your own business and BAMM something goes off in your head that tells you to light on up. You typically comply within that 10-15 seconds. So, if you can get through those 15 seconds without lighting up, the urge fades quick. That’s not to say the impulse to smoke wont happen multiple multiple times daily, but if you can just remind yourself that each craving doesn’t actually last long, I think that really helps. Helped me anyway the times I’ve quit. Unfortunately, I’ve quit twice, both for about 6 months, and then slowly trickled back into full fledged smoking. I envy you, because while I’m in school, I think its about impossible to begin to quit. Plus, I’m currently taking a semester long class all about cancer, and every time I light up I do a little calculation in my head thinking about how “well, if I quit now, that will mean I only smoked for 7 years, and that’s not too bad.” Unfortunately, I’ve been justifying my use that way for all those 7 years, but now, the years are really starting to add up and my cancer risk is increasing exponentially as well. Wish you all the best! Its the best single thing you can do to improve your health!

  2. Oh, and eventually, it think it helps to not even talk about how much quitting sucks. I used to count the days/weeks I had been smoke free, but honestly, thats just forcing you to think about it every time. Once you accept the fact that you are done with cigarettes FOR LIFE, daily counting doesnt really matter. Next time I quit, I wont be counting.

  3. I couldn’t agree more about the counting the days, or thinking about how long the actual craving lasts.

    The last time I quit, it was for 55 days. I’m just praying right now that I keep this strength I feel right now about it. It sucks. Real bad. Hard to not think about on a minute to minute basis when everything inside of you is screaming for a smoke. Thanks for the helpful advice though!

  4. A lot of the reason why people who smoke find it hard to quit is because cigarettes have become one of their best friends. They are one of those friends that you talk bad about behind their backs, but as soon as you are face-to-face with them again, you remember how great they are to be around. It’s more of the psychological habit that is hard to kick then the physical one.

    Thinking creatively, breaking habits is all about finding something to do that will take over that habit until it becomes ingrained inside you that you no longer need to smoke. My suggestion to you would be that every time you have the urge to smoke, you take a picture of how you are feeling. Or, you take a picture of something around you and work on editing/critiquing that picture. Find something beautiful to take the place of something ugly. Hell, take a picture of a broken cigarette to capture the hurt you feel not being able to smoke it. Pain isn’t always a bad thing, you know. Just like the post you put on Marty’s wall the other day about how struggling is all a part of life and that nothing good comes easy, you should take that to heart and recognize that quitting smoking is a struggle, but you need to love that journey! :)

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