Sometimes, I have days when things are so good
that I couldn’t possibly NOT be dreaming.
Today has been one those days.
Sure, there are other days when I feel like I’m in a living
nightmare that I can’t wake up from…but not today.
Although, I did have my first photography related nightmare this morning.
I had a dream that I was photographing a wedding and as it began,
I realized that my camera had been doused in wine.
(that actually happened last Wednesday, it’s obviously still on my mind)
I ran to my camera bags and every single camera I pulled out was one
of these old 35mm cameras from the 90’s.
There must have been at least 20 of them.
I was panicking.
I kept digging and digging and I couldn’t find any other kind
of camera!
Before I knew it, I heard “You may now kiss the bride.”
My eyes welled up, I felt nauseous, and then….
I ran.
I ran faster than I ever could in real life, and I ran far enough
to be in the middle of nowhere.
I remember thinking in my dream,
You’d never screw up this bad, wake yourself up. This is a dream.
And then BAM!
I flung up, out of breath in my own bed.
That feeling of relief when you actually wake up and realize
it was all a dream (Biggie’s song is now stuck in my head) is one
of the most incredible senses of relief in the world.
My pillow was soaked from sweating and I had
actual tears to wipe away from eyes.
It was intense.
It made me realize something…
it made me realize that this is everything to me.
My job is everything.
I think it was also a wake up call for me.
My stepmom just got done telling me the other day that I need to
trust my abilities more, to own that I’m great at what I do.
She thinks I’m too hard on myself. Most people probably agree.
I have to be this way though…
If I don’t push myself to be better with every job, then what’s the point?
But I do see what they’re all saying, and I suppose it’s time to start
working on that. New Year’s Resolution?
……………………………………
BAMphoto is heading to San Diego to do a couple’s
engagement photos in January.
This is more exciting than words can even say.
I’m also photographing a wedding in Arizona in May.
This is all part of why my day has been so great!
I’m so utterly grateful to have had the opportunity to
build a business from scratch and be able to watch it blossom.
It’s beyond fulfilling.
2012 is going to be the year that changes my life,
and I’m ready for everything that comes along.
Keep your heart open to dreams. For as long as there’s a dream, there is hope, and as long
as there is hope, there is joy in living.
……………………………….
Last week I was hired by my dad’s company to photograph
two major events for them.
This isn’t my usual line of work, but I decided that it would
be a good learning experience.
And it was, but the best thing that came out of the day was
being able to watch my dad do what he does.
While I’ve always admired him, I saw him in a completely
different light that day.
I’m not even sure that I have words that will do those moments justice.
Simply put, I was a proud daughter.
He has the perfect mixture of finesse, humor & compassion.
It’s truly remarkable.
My favorite part of the day was helping him fix his suspenders.
I’ve seen pictures of him dressed in a tuxedo but can’t recall
ever seeing it with my own eyes, and it was amazing.
He had his suspenders all twisted in the back and it was just
one of those adult parent/child moments that will stay
with you for a lifetime.
……………………………………………..
The semester ended today, and I couldn’t have been more relieved.
I opted to take mostly academic classes rather than studio
classes, and MY GOD was that a mistake.
Not only were the classes difficult, but the fact that I wasn’t
in a constant state of creating, I basically lost my sanity from
August to today.
Lesson learned.
I have a nice month long break to recover and
lounge, eat, relax, and play…Oh wait, those days are over.
I am giving myself 5 days to relax, and then it’s back to work.
I’ve even offered to do a session while we’re at home in Michigan this week.
Me = workaholic.
I do look forward to doing some ice skating in Millennium Park
and getting together with friends and catching up
since I’ve been so MIA.
I long for carefree childhood days…
……………………………….
Oh, before I forget!
So after the events I photographed, my Dad offered up his suite at
The Palmer House, and it was incredible.
In-between events that day, I went to the suite to grab a nap
and some food to kill time…But upon my arrival, I was shocked.
This suite was more like an apartment.
A beautiful, vintage & vibrant apartment.
I didn’t want to touch anything.
Of course, I had to take some photos…
one of how a lady should act while lounging in such a beautiful
room, and one of what I’d do naturally if it were my room…
Music up.
Solo dance party!
If you know me well, you’ll understand why I’d never be able
to live with myself if I didn’t get my air guitar on
in the middle of a Tim Reynolds guitar solo.
Yes, I’m more than capable of keeping myself entertained
as long as I have a music source & a camera.
……………………………………
Lastly,
What is up with everyone in my life having babies?
I’m on the slow boat to married w/children, people.
While I support my loved ones during this time in their life,
I just can’t wrap my mind around it personally.
Sometimes I wonder if I’m ever going to warm up to the idea of children.
Sometimes I want them, sometimes I don’t.
I’ll be 27 in July and I just don’t feel as though we’ve experienced enough
to even foresee children in our future.
College, marriage, career…even if I had it all today, I don’t
think I could do it.
I seem to be moving backwards according to this typical
life plan…Britt = career, marriage, college.
(maybe the second two can be switched
depending on the day, ha!)
I think it’s likely that I’ll be the oldest mother ever.
Can you imagine this?
Or this?
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Oh, heavens.
I’ve said this once, I’ll say it again….
I like being Aunt Bee to my perfect little Peanut & RomanC.
They are completely fulfilling & I’d prefer it to stay that for a little while…
maybe longer if B & Cee have more, hint hint!
Ladies, one day I will join you in the motherhood department,
but will one of you save getting pregnant again for when we’re ready
so that I have someone to suffer with through the sleepless
nights? (Brookey & Ash, that’s to you!)
Congrats to Amanda & Chad on the upcoming
arrival of their first baby :)
………………………………………….
I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas & New Year!
2012 is going to be phenomenal!
xoxo
The Beautiful Struggle 