Mended Egos

The rollercoaster that is my life, has seriously
been throwing me for a loop in the past week.
I’M UP.
i’m down.
I’M UP.
i’m down.
I love my up days though. I cherish them.
Because the pattern is that a down day is
around the corner.
So pessimistic, I know.
A day of photographs is an UP day.
I am not the photographer that just walks
around and shoots photos.
There is a plan, a motive, and a thought
process to my photos.
…And there is a mood that needs to be involved.
I need to be somewhere in the middle
of Cloud 9 and Hell.
Today is that day…and that’s a perfect day
for this girl.

Cloud 9:
Part I:
Getting 6 lovely negatives with my view camera.
It’s a pain in the ass to lug around,
but it’s so worth it when you have 4×5 negatives
rather than the typical 35mm.
Part II:
Finally getting up the nerve to check out
the Hasselblad 500.
Oh my goodness gracious.
It’s a little piece of heaven.
Should I find one in mint condition and
the right price, I may never shoot digital
ever again. This camera puts
digital to shame.
It just feels…..right.
I can’t wait to photograph Marty with it.
He’s so photogenic and this camera will love
his face and his smile.

Hell:
You’ve heard the escalator horror stories.
Whenever you step on one awkardly,
or realize a second too late that its at the end?
Your heart skips a beat and you suddenly
imagine this quick horrific scene of
your shoe laces getting caught or your
foot getting crushed somehow?
Welcome. To. My. Life.
Only this wasn’t the horrific imagined scene.
The cart that carries my view camera
caught right at the end and my foot was stuck
underneath it. It literally crushed my toe.
It started to make this crazy noise
[panic ensues]
and the subway man has this horrified look on
his face like there is nothing he can
do, he’s just going to have to let this
escalator eat me up.
My heart was beating out of
my chest and then I fell.
HELL.
……………………………………..
I’m the Valentine’s Day Scrooge.
I can’t help it!
I have issues with authority of any kind.
I’ve always done what I want.
And I don’t like that Hallmark makes our
society believe that this is the day that you
shower your loved ones with flowers, candy and
stuffed animals.
It’s all so forced.
So expected.
I’d much prefer such sentiment on a random
Tuesday….or Thursday, after a long week.
This “holiday” is just such a cliche.
…and Lord knows that I tend to never
follow suit with anything or anyone.
………………………………
My work is going to be in an Art Show downtown.
This is big my friends.
I showcased my work at a classy
Ann Arbor bar and it was amazing.
But this is Chicago.
My work will be alongside many other very
talented artists. Viewed by other
many talented artists and the general public.
I’m forever indebted to Jess for bringing the
opportunity to my attention.
My family and friends are really proud,
and this makes the experience feel even greater.
Obviously, accomplishments make me happy,
but there is no other feeling quite like
the one where the people you love
actually express that they are proud.
I love that word.
Proud.
………………………………….
My toe hurts.

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